why do we like the people we like.

why do we like the people we like? 

2009

Coming back from Asia, I feel like I am .. quite a different person. 

I hate LA, and everyone knows that. 

I used to dwell in bitterness thinking "why this?" "why that?" 

I can't find happiness and felt worst after a whole roundabout search for vanity. 

I felt sad that no matter how hard I tried, I still can't be happy. 

I felt frustrated that my enjoyments of the Lord is very much temporary. 

I am mad at myself for feeling so out of place. 

I can't get over the fact that I chose to be in LA, and I thought it was His will. 

I hated my life. 

But 2009 gave me a different perspective. 

Not that everything I said has a 360 degrees change, but just the fact that..

right now, I learnt to accept my unhappiness. 

Does that even make sense to anybody? haha. 

Well, what I'm trying to say is that..

It's ok to be unhappy. 

Yes, It's okay to be unhappy. 

Again, what I mean is.. "Why must I be happy all the time?" 

It's perfectly okay to be unhappy. 

It's okay that life is not perfect.

It's okay that nothing goes my way and everything falls apart. 

It.

is.

Okay. 

And because of that simple "realization", I lived a happi-ER life. 

just. with. the. simple. way. of.. ACCEPTING. 

It's a precious lesson to me, learning to accept. 

I remember a verse saying how we should learn/know how to be content, and to be abased, to be xxx, and yyy. something like that (: HAHA. Oh Lord. 

yes, that verse. 

I just want to be Thankful. 

Thankful for everything. 

Thankful to whatever and however the Lord has placed me in. 

=D 

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Now, I know many of you want to know what happened to Onion. 

I prayed about him a lot. Brought him up to the Lord, a lot. (especially when I was in Asia, away from him) 

I told the Lord how I hated things to be a "Grey Area". I totally hate that. 

I told the Lord that I want things to be clear. And I need something to be done. For me to know what His will IS, for me. 

And Amen, yes, it SURE was painful to know, but AMEN AMEN =D 

Amen that right then when I landed in LA, something happened and I knew, at that point, 

that the Lord says, "Cindy, He is NOT my will for you." 

Desperate for comfort, I dialed numbers to reach my family and friends, but hardly anyone picked up. Then, I really took the opportunity to turn to the Lord for my real comfort.

I called on His name from deep within, and out loud (i really did. cus i was desperate for comfort, and calling His name was the only way.) And in about 10 minutes, my pained emotions were subdued. 

After that, .. I did not look at the brother as "that special someone" anymore. 

(: 

my strayed heart was brought back to the Lord. 

This experience helped me to be so quiet before the Lord, and listen intently to what He has got to say. Honestly, i just received a call from that brother right when I landed, and THAT VERY 1st SENTENCE he said to me, WAS, God's speaking "He's not The One for you, Cindy."